Otome Reviews

IkeRev “Never Let You Go” Event Review [SPOILERS]

This is English IkeRev’s first ever Story Event, and boy has it been interesting! The Story Event system is really different from IkeSen/MidCin’s. Basically, your friends’ activity levels don’t impact your ability to finish the event! Which is fantastic if you’re like me and half your friends list inevitably stops improving their score by day 3. On the other hand, it’s impossible to finish the event without using extra items – I believe the maximum is something like 6 or 7 out of 8 (I got 6, no probs), unless you’re an android who doesn’t sleep? Personally, I prefer getting 75% of routes without having to stress out over my friends’ event scores vs the IkeSen model, but to each their own ^_^

As for the event itself? To be honest, I’m not a big fan of the Character A vs Character B-style events. I totally get the appeal (two hot guys flirting with you at the same time!) – but if you read the event stories from beginning to end, the pacing is kind of off. The justification behind two guys (who are sometimes good friends!) flirting with MC in front of each other is sometimes weak. And MC always gets all flustered, until the last episode, where it’s revealed that she’s been dating one of them this whole time?! Talk about awkward. Anyway. Here’s my personal ranking of each individual story pair:

#4: Ray vs Luka

There’s a harvest festival in town, and MC wants to participate in the couples’ dance contest. Problem is, she needs a partner. Ray is happy to help, despite being a total dancing noob, and so is Luka, despite not having danced for years. So that’s cute and all, but…color me old fashioned but isn’t the polite thing to do in these situations to *always* pick your irl partner? So MC’s waffling was generally off-putting, esp. in Ray’s route. Also, given how much both Ray and MC supposedly suck at dancing, they definitely shouldn’t have won…

# 3: Edgar vs Loki

Loki the merchant invites MC to a merchant’s party, where Edgar happens to be attending, on secret Red Army business. Despite their clear dislike of each other, they work together to get MC to safety when she’s randomly picked to choose someone to gift some fancy earrings to. In the premium end she picks Ed, and he gives a public declaration of love before whisking her away in a carriage for kisses and more. Which is frankly a little shocking, since I was under the impression that Ed’s supposed to be Mitsuhide 2.0?! Anyways, Loki and Edgar aren’t exactly friends, so I found the entire premise of this event a little less strange, but still, the lack of any sort of relationship being hinted at until the end, given there was a dance party on the line, was odd.

#3: Lancelot vs Jonah

The Red Army is reviving an old tradition of hosting a play duel between its King and Queen, and somehow, MC’s been conned into giving a kiss to the winner! Both men are determined to win…even though MC’s only dating one of them. So that was kind of weird (also Lance, I don’t buy your argument that you were simply “egging Jonah on”…). Anyways, I’m currently total Red Army trash so I did enjoy this route better than the previous two, but it shares a lot of the same problems that those routes exhibit. But who’d say no to being the meat in a Lance/Jonah man sandwich, let’s be real.

#1: Sirius vs Fenrir

Sirius and Fenrir both want MC to help them out with their crazy workloads for a week, and Ray has MC pick one, after doing a trial day with each person. Sirius basically has tons of paperwork and some domestic minutiae to take care of, and Fenrir’s investigating poachers (at the beach!). Given how legitimately busy both these boys are, the premise felt way less forced than the other ones, which was nice. Also, Sirius’ route… hot damn! With all that wall pinning and door pinning, he sure builds a good case for an old older man… 😉

Overall, I thought that this event was… charming. The plots weren’t exactly nuanced or shocking, and I definitely didn’t feel sad about missing out some of the endings. But given how thirsty all IkeRev fans (including myself) are for more character content, I’m also just happy that there *was* an event! Haha.

Personal enjoyment: 5 or 6/10

SLBP: “Claim Me At Last” Mitsunari+Kenshin+Inuchiyo Review [SPOILERS]

I don’t know if it’s just pure bias at play here, but I’ve consistently found the second batch of SLBP ES’s in any event to be significantly worse than the first batch. Surely it’s just coincidence…right…?

Once upon a time I was under the naive impression that Nobunaga could only ruin an event route by sexually harassing MC, but the little shithead continues to find new and increasingly stupid ways to give everyone a bad time. In Mitsunari’s route, Nobunaga squanders a perfect excellent Kansuke cameo (!!) by throwing MC in jail after he learns that MC interacted with the ninja. And all because the dude helped her out when she was feeling a little dizzy while in town. How tf was she supposed to know that he was suspicious!?!? So I get the distinct feeling that N threw MC in jail to motivate Mitsunari into fighting more effectively. And honestly, that makes it even worse.

Poor choice in employer aside, at least Mitsunari is uncharacteristically cool in his route. He communicates his feelings to MC successfully, albeit insultingly (“I…seeing other men near you like that…I get jealous… Don’t make me explain it to you, you shameful dullard!”). He throws a TORCH into the Takeda camp to take it down. He threatens a hapless guard at sword-point in order to get closer to MC. And he hugs MC, a lot (!).

So, yeah. I spent a large part of this ES just being pissed at Nobunaga, which really isn’t anything new. But Mitsunari kicking ass and taking names for MC was definitely a happy, if unexpected surprise!

Personal enjoyment: 6/10

Kenshin’s ES features one of my least favorite tropes in romance stories: the pointless forced separation. Long story short, when MC is outed as a girl after giggling too girlishly at the onsen, one of Kenshin’s retainers rebels and leaves the clan. It doesn’t help that both Shingen and the Hojo plan are planning to move against Kenshin’s territory down south. And although Kageie and Kanetsugu remain amazing and kind to MC, Kagetsugu grumpily tells MC she’s holding Kenshin back and should go back to Kyoto. I guess MC has literally no spine or sense of self worth whatsoever, because she agrees. What. In any case, Kenshin ends up pulling off a clever decoy strategy to get the Takeda and the Hojo to fight each other, and flush with victory, announces to a crowd of surprised retainers that MC isn’t going anywhere. Ever.

… Frankly, I thought this ES reached some MidCin levels of plot crappiness. What I did enjoy, however: Kageie the nudist, and Shingen’s cameo (“Found me, did you, popinjay?” “As you always seem to find me, my little tiger”).

Personal enjoyment: 3/10

One thing I do enjoy about of Inuchiyo’s routes is how they incorporate the childhood friendship aspect of Inuchiyo and MC’s relationship quite well. In this event, Inuchiyo’s detailed knowledge of the circumstances surrounding MC’s father’s death lead him to have doubts about fighting when one of Nobunaga’s war plans involves luring the enemy army towards a castle and shooting them. He’s worried about the innocents living in the town surrounding the castle that might die. Seems reasonable, right?

…Well. Nobunaga and Hideyoshi certainly don’t view it that way (“You’re naive if you think a battle can be fought without losing lives”). The specific details elude me, but eventually, MC comforts Inuchiyo by repeating a chant her father used to tell her when she was down, and making him one of her super famous Absolute Victory Bowls for moral support. Bolstered, he eventually joins in a battle to victory, and comes home, no longer conflicted, to MC (“As long as you’re waiting for me, I swear I’ll come back. Always”).

Overall, I thought this ES was cute. Inuchiyo’s grumpiness levels were really dialed down, and MC comforting the poor guy was adorable. But I’m definitely missing something re why Inuchiyo’s no longer worried about harming innocents. I guess he just skipped out on that particular battle?

Personal enjoyment: 5.5/10

IkeSen: Yukimura’s Birthday Event Review

Confession time: I don’t really pay too much attention to IkeSen events. It’s not that they’re not great, mind you. But trying to finish an IkeSen event when half your friends list has gone missing after hitting 6k points is pure torture! Ahhhhhh

Anyways. The following is my ranking of Yuki’s three birthday routes, from least favorite to favorite, and why. How about you? Please do share – I’m really curious to see how much consensus there is!

#3: Yukimura’s Scouting Mission

Several things are going on in this route: 1) MC’s upset because Yuki has trouble verbalizing his feelings, 2) he gets scouted by a visiting daimyo after said daimyo’s son challenges Yuki to a play fight, and 3) MC and Sasuke throw an awesome bday banquet for him. Of these three subplots, I enjoyed only the third one. The first subplot is boring. And the second one seemed rather random? Route highlight: MC and Sasuke enacting all their contingency plans during the banquet, to stop Shingen from flirting and Kenshin from fighting.

One redeeming feature of this route was the premium route, in which Y finally confesses his feelings to MC and they get it on. Did he go down on MC, or did I completely misread the situation?! Good boy. 🙂

#2: The Chase to Kasugayama

Yuki invites MC to Kasugayama for his birthday, and to make sure the kid actually gets something good out of his day, Sasuke, Kenshin, and Shingen become giant trolls. From holding his present to MC hostage (yep, you read that right) to stealing the couple’s horses to forcing MC to confess her love at swordpoint, this route was stupid yet hilarious from beginning to end. Route highlight: The three warlords spying on MC and Y sharing a cute moment post-banquet while providing helpful commentary (“Ohh, look at Yuki going for the hand hold!” “Whoo-whoo!”).

#1: The Pursuit Through Azuchi

Yuki requests a “normal” birthday from MC. Meanwhile, a series of suspicious events lead the Azuchi warlords to conclude that MC’s recently acquired a secret boyfriend (they’re not wrong…)! Cue a full day of total non-normalcy, as MC and Yuki try their damnedest to hide from the overly curious Azuchi warlords while wandering about town. This route features, among other things:

MC siccing the local fangirls on Mitsun in order to escape
Nobunaga applying his military genius to the pursuit, using a dango stick as a map pointer while hanging out in a teashop
Mitsuhide being Mitsuhide (“You’ve been running from us all day, MC.” “Because you’ve been chasing me.” “Because you’ve been running”). What’s not to love?

TBH, I really don’t find Yuki to be all that attractive, so overall, I didn’t love this event. But nonetheless it was nicely done – definitely appreciated the the diversity of birthday possibilities that IkeSen portrayed!

Midnight Cinderella: Byron Wagner Honey Route Review [SPOILERS]

“Call me Byron. Just Byron. …you’re my queen now, are you not?”

What’s more important: the love interest, or their plot? I used to think it was the LI, but after the disaster that was Alyn’s Ever After route, you’ve really gotta wonder! So here’s the good news: Byron’s route isn’t nearly as painful to read as that train wreck. And the bad? It definitely falls short of its potential.

Our MC/Princess first encounters Byron in the forest after he saves her from some bandits. She’s immediately taken in by his good looks (can you blame her?). So maybe it’s a little awkward when she realizes he’s the king of Stein, aka Wysteria’s rival country, but I guess Byron must’ve gotten a good impression of MC somewhere along the way as well, because after something like their 3rd meeting, “Stein” issues “Wysteria” an offer of marriage – for political purposes, of course. Byron invites MC to visit Stein and think things over, and over the next few days/weeks, they get to know each other better. He comes across as a little cold and detached from everything, but he’s generally extremely kind to MC. One of my favorite moments takes place after MC realizes that her room and Byron’s are connected, and he suggestively matter-of-factly replies that he hopes this living arrangement becomes permanent. 😉

As time passes, trouble arises in the form of Byron’s deposed father – a former tyrant of Stein. Dude’s been spreading rumors regarding a Stein invasion in Wysteria, to great effect, and our unlucky couple is forced to temporarily abandon their marriage plans while everyone deals with the political fallout. At some point in time it’s even implied that Byron commits patricide (!), but things are never explicitly confirmed. Pretty ballsy of the writers, all things considered.

MC and Byron have to spend a lot of time apart from each other in this route, but every time they meet up, it’s pretty epic. Byron claims he’s an emotional noob, but frankly, I don’t buy it. Example: at some point, B lets MC remove his eyepatch, and proceeds to seduce the shit out of her before deciding to petition for MC’s hand again. Does this sound like the actions of an emotionally stunted man to you?! In any case, as with all honey/secret endings, this route ends on a happy note, with all the political shenanigans resolved, MC either wed or engaged to Byron (I can’t really tell), and lots of hickeys all around.

So the thing is, there wasn’t really anything fundamentally wrong with Byron’s route, per se. But post-patricide, things dragged a bit. I feel like the writers weren’t quite able to milk the epic Stein-Wysteria rivalry for all it was worth, and things resolved themselves way too neatly. Also, there were too many side plots distracting from the main story, from Nico’s useless drama which seems to show up in every single freaking route, to the random women who suddenly wanted to marry Byron towards the end of the story. All these problems would be easily overlooked if the writing were top notch, but… well. MidCin definitely isn’t going to be winning any awards on that front any time soon, is it?

But still. If you enjoy the total quiet-man-of-mystery trope that Byron embodies, you’re going to like the route. I did, even with all the flaws that I’ve mentioned. Byron’s route shines brightest when the plots/conflict take a back seat and he’s able to be true to his sexy self: marking MC Shingen-style as a promise to meet again, for example, or sending MC letters by falcon when they’re forced to go long distance. And one thing I really appreciate is how, after Byron and MC solidify their feelings for each other mid-route, neither of their feelings ever waver. At the end of the day, if nothing else, Byron’s route definitely showcases just why he’s such a fan favorite!

Choice quotes:

“You have nothing to apologize for. After all, you’re the only one I’ll be kissing from here on.”

Byron raised his free hand, unlacing the front of my dress, and pressed his lips against the soft skin between my breasts. “That’s the time limit for our promise. Before that mark fades away.”

“Didn’t you know? In Stein the wedding night lasts three days.” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Personality: 9/10. Byron has some A+ dialogue at times, but poor writing hurts his character potential (he’d be a 10 easily with good writing).

Appearance: 10/10. He is stupidly hot, with or without eyepatch.

MC: 5/10. I didn’t really have a strong impression of MC, to be honest. Definitely a bit of a blank slate in terms of personality.

Plot/Payoff: 6.5/10. Not gonna lie – I think most MidCin MS plots are pretty mediocre. This one’s not great, but it’s not the worst, either. In fact, it’s probably the best out of the four I’ve read thus far (which isn’t saying much, but still)!

Personal enjoyment: 6.5/10. I’m definitely growing rather tired of the mediocre writing/plot quality. That said, Byron himself is magnificent!

Masterlist

SLBP: “Claim Me At Last” Ieyasu+Shingen+Hideyoshi Review [SPOILERS]

Hey there! Do you like military drama? Smut? How about free side stories?! The meta surrounding this latest event is seriously too amazing for words. ❤

“Stop grinning like that. Disgusting wretch.”

Ieyasu’s ES revolves around the real-life Battle of Mikatagahara, which, according to Wikipedia, was “one of Tokugawa Ieyasu’s worst defeats, and complete disaster was only narrowly averted.” In the SLBP universe, in the weeks leading up to battle (they know it’s coming), Ieyasu is undergoing a change of heart in terms of minimizing civilian casualties. Displeased, Yasumasa goes rogue, and tries to preemptively surprise Shingen, who’s approaching with his mighty cavalry. But it’s a trap. Ieyasu tries his hardest to save the day with a clever military formation, but that’s not enough. It takes the sacrifice of the kindly-looking Lord Yoshinobu (another retainer) for Ieyasu to escape with his life intact. (Also fun fact: according to the history books, Shingen had his eyes set on Nobunaga, which is the only reason why Ieyasu’s castle didn’t get completely screwed over).

I generally dislike Ieyasu as a romantic interest with his verbal abuse and “poison smile” and all, but damn if this ES wasn’t one of the most amazing things I’ve ever read! Ieyasu mid character transformation is fascinating – he’s abrasive, but also bizarrely caring in his own way. For example by going out of his way to insult the ever masochistic Tadakatsu (“Go die. Horribly.” “Aaah…!”). Or saving Yasumasa’s sorry ass, despite claiming he wouldn’t (“The day he acted on his own was the day he chose to be dead to me.”). I absolutely loved reading the tension between him and an unhelpful Nobunaga. Also, even if some things may have gotten lost in translation, the writing was excellent.

And finally. If anyone can deal with Ieyasu’s crap, I guess it’s this version of MC. She’s snarky when she needs to be, and isn’t afraid to throw Ieyasu’s words back at him to get what she wants (“…since you said that seeing me makes you tired…if the sight of me helps you relax even a little, please look all you like”). Also, the route ends on a super spicy note. I haven’t bought Ieyasu’s route epilogue yet, but you can bet I’m going to. 🙂

Personal enjoyment: 10/10. This was an outstanding read. PS there’s a Hanzo cameo!! (the nice one, not the creepy/sexy one)

“I can’t give you to the popinjay.”

Shingen’s ES features what I can only imagine is the fourth and final battle of Kawanakajima. Here, Shingen has been making a concerted attempt to minimize warfare given the growing threat of Nobunaga, by allying with the Hojo clan and making overtures to Kenshin. But Kenshin wants a hostage (of course he does), and Shingen desperately doesn’t want MC to become said hostage. He has her masquerade as a man again, and laughs off her importance as a mistress (!). This doesn’t stop the sharp-eyed Kanetsugu from wanting MC as a hostage, and when Shingen refuses, war is on. Shingen’s army suffers many casualties and has to retreat, but history suggests that Kenshin’s camp fares even worse. …In any case, Shingen lives another day to return to MC, and the route ends with the pair preparing to have sex for the first time (!!)

I’ll be honest: I totally love Shingen, but his route was definitely the weakest out of the three that are currently out, in terms of plot. There’s also this quote to MC, which I’m hoping is a mistranslation but probably not: “Though truthfully, I thought you already had some value as a virgin.” That said, it was interesting to read about how the veteran warlords may have reacted to Nobunaga’s rise in power. Also, all the side characters are great – I really enjoyed the Kanetsugu, Yukimura, and Saizo cameos!

Personal enjoyment: 5.5/10. But let me tell you, that epilogue is A+++ and you should definitely buy it if you like smutty sexy Shingen!!

“I finally have some time to spend with another woman, and I am stuck with you. …By the way, who’s the surly one behind you?”

Hideyoshi’s route features one of my favorite side characters ever, namely Oichi, aka Nobunaga’s much cooler and better looking sibling. While in town on a visit, Oichi proceeds to insult every man she comes across, including Katsuie, Hideyoshi, and Mitsunari. Especially Mitsunari (“A stone…you say I am a stone…I am no stone…” “You there, know your place. Be quiet.”). It’s glorious. On the other hand, she takes an immediate shine to MC after eating some castella that MC bakes, and immediately requests baking lessons herself. The purpose is kind of bittersweet: Oichi wishes to bake for her husband Nagamasa, who it’s obvious she’s madly in love with…but she also suspects Nagamasa is on the cusp of betraying Nobunaga.

Conflicted, Oichi ultimately asks MC to signal this news to Hideyoshi and thus her brother, but Nobunaga refuses to listen. Well maybe he should’ve because guess who ends up betraying N on the battlefield. …That’s right. Hideyoshi and the ever-loyal Mitsunari offer to fight in the rear guard as Nobunaga escapes, and fortunately, they too manage to flee the scene without dying.

Overall, I thought this was a great story, but the romantic elements were a little lacking, until the end. Heck, even Hideyoshi’s character was a little lacking here! But the side characters were fantastic (Mitsunari, especially, was hilarious). And back to Oichi – I would read the heck out of an illicit love story featuring her and MC. Seriously…imagine the possibilities. Forbidden love. Arranged marriages. Jealousy. Class differences. MC masquerading innocently as maid. It’d be beautiful. #justsaying

Personal enjoyment: 8/10. Would be 10/10 if Oichi were love interest.

SLBP: Sanada Yukimura Part 1 Divine Route Review [SPOILERS]

“Compared to the thought of losing you…facing death was nothing.”

You know, I’d been wondering why Yukimura was such a fan fave. I mean, he’s shy and cute and nice and all, but so are a good quarter of the other SLBP boys, right? Not to mention the sheer idiocy of some of his event stories. But after finally reading through his first story…okay, yeah. I get the hype now, my friends. You were right. 🙂

Yukimura’s main story is cavity-inducing rom-com meets…horrifying military drama? When MC initially arrives at Shingen’s castle, Yukimura welcomes her into his ranks of men with enthusiasm. Maybe a little bit too much enthusiasm, judging by the reaction of his vassals (“Lord Yukimura, I didn’t know you were doing that kind of recruiting, too”). In any case, Y’s fondness of (and confusing attraction towards) MC becomes all the funnier after he rescues her from falling off the roof one evening, accidentally grabs her chest along the way, and realizes MC’s been a woman all along (“In death I’ll find forgiveness!”). Appalled, the lovable idiot vows to help protect MC and help with her disguise.

But MC’s disguise becomes unnecessary after Shingen learns (from Saizo, perhaps?) that MC is a secret woman – and thus, a potential spy for Ieyasu. Just as Saizo’s about to behead MC, Yukimura dramatically saves the day…by announcing his marriage to MC (“Before I am a samurai…I am a man! And there are things that a man must do! Let me take responsibility for you.”) …!! His stupid plan works, somehow. And this is how Y and MC end up traveling through the forest to the Sanada clan to meet his family.

This is probably my favorite part of the entire route. Y is incredibly bullish about having to marry MC to protect her honor, and MC’s having none of it. At some point, she even tries to run away, only to fall off a cliff and get intercepted by Masamune and Kojuro! But after realizing how much Yukimura is sacrificing for her sake, MC eventually agrees to play along, and ends up getting introduced to Yuki’s extremely attractive older brother (“Mmn, you are a doll, aren’t you?”), as well as his stern, high expectations Asian father.

Said high expectations Asians father has expectations for Yuki to die in battle for Shingen. Yikes. And this is when our lovely, happy rom-com of a story segues into a darker and sadder tale about warfare. Y is sent off to fight increasingly risky battles, and while there’s still plenty of opportunity for him and MC to be cute and get to know each other (their visit to MC’s hometown in Kyoto is a highlight), there’s always that tension about Yukimura’s inevitable fate hanging over them. I adore how fierce MC is in this route: unwilling to let the guy just up and kill himself, she makes him take her prized hairpin from her father into each battle, because then he’ll have to live to return it to her. ❤

To be honest, the final few episodes of this route were really stressful to read. SLBP’s always been pretty good at maintaining some semblance of historical accuracy, and we all know how well the Shingen clan fared against the Oda. MC isn’t just sitting pretty in the sidelines either – she finds herself in near-death danger at least twice, and through no fault of her own. And though Yukimura lives to spend another day with MC by the end of the route (not a spoiler, considering part 2 is out, after all), I do not have high hopes that the guy will survive his sequel. The Sanada clan isn’t in great shape by the end of the story, and I am really impressed with the writers’ ability to create such a beautiful love story amidst all the sadness and warfare.

This route was an excellent combination of humor, angst, and suspense. Yukimura was charming and endearing (seriously…his ES is a pale caricature in comparison), and MC was amazing. I don’t usually pay attention to dialogue options in routes, but I absolutely loved how the “correct” dialogue for MC each time was the feisty/sassy choice. Also, the side characters in Yukimura’s route were simply outstanding. TBH, Sasuke’s always just been there, and I never really paid attention to him, but he really shined as a kid ninja in this route! And although Saizo was even more confusing than he usually is, he was interesting. And then you have Yukimura’s father, brother, rivals, and frenemies, all of whom were portrayed wonderfully.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading through this route. Although it lacks the crazy smut and sense of completion that Shingen’s route has (that guy’s MS serves as my ideal baseline for all SLBP routes, haha), I think it was extremely well done. Can’t wait to get started on the sequel!

Choice quotes:
“A-anyway, you’re going to become my wife! Period! Discussion over!” - b/c Yukimura is literally the only guy who could get away with saying something like this in the SLBP world and still be lovable
“I have finally found a reason to live. As long as MC remains in this world, I cannot resign myself to the next.”
“Am I really good enough for you? The moment you nod, I’m never letting you go again.”

Personality: 10/10 Yukimura is the best boy. I’d fall in love with him so fast IRL you have no idea. Such a lovable, charming idiot. ❤

Appearance: 9/10. That hair/eye combo is killer!

MC: 10/10. MC was OUTSTANDING!

Plot/Payoff: 9/10. There were a few small side plots that I feel didn’t really contribute to the plot or MC/Yuki’s romance (example: the local girls flirting with Yukimura the waiter??), but overall, the plot was super engaging and interesting! The segue from hilarious to suspenseful was very well done.

Personal enjoyment: 9.8/10. It’s only not a 10 because Shingen sets a very high bar. But overall, I really loved this route!

Masterlist

MidCin Cocktails

MidCin’s latest event is cute. But what really caught my eye were the tasty cocktails that showed up in each route! So without further ado, here you go: the cocktail recipes from this event that nobody asked for. Not all names/descriptions were given, so some creative liberties have been taken ^_^

PS The drink mentioned in Byron’s event (Kir) is an actual drink. From France. Which means that France exists in the MicCin universe and Byron took MC there for their honeymoon. Can you say, best king ever?!

Kir source Rose Kiss source Gin Rickey source Chocolate Fizz source Gazette source

Kissed by the Baddest Bidder: Eisuke Ichinomiya Route Review [SPOILERS]

“I’ll let you stay with me. You’re the only woman who’s ever stuck with me this long.”

Hello! If you like Eisuke, I recommend you stop reading now. Rant incoming. 🙂

Quick recap: Kissed by the Baddest Bidder is basically the edgy adult otome version of Ouran High School Host Club. In this universe, MC, a hotel maid, finds herself sold at a black market auction to a group of shady dudes who happen to run said black market auction, after she accidentally breaks an expensive vase. And in this particular route, Eisuke, the main dude in charge and asshole extraordinaire, decides that he’ll be the one to “own” MC: “I bought you, got it? So I can do whatever I want with you.” Charming.

After forcefully undressing and taking a look at MC’s chest like the classy and respectful man he is (he has some stupid excuse for it later in the route), Eisuke decides that MC will serve as his fake girlfriend. The goal: to ward off a mafia boss’ daughter politely, while simultaneously trying to forge an alliance with her father. Turns out all the women love Eisuke for some bizarre reason, even though he’s a total bastard with no redeeming qualities whatsoever (actually, it’s even scarier when the dude pretends to be nice in this route, not gonna lie…).

(that is the smile of a monster)

Eisuke insults the hell out of MC while giving her the obligatory makeover to become his fake girlfriend (“The worse something looks, the more fun it is to dress it up”). He also gives her a pager, and expects her to run when called within five minutes – one of his favorite hobbies is calling MC over when a text would’ve sufficed. Oh, and he kisses MC twice without her permission, under completely unromantic pretexts, to boot. Real winner, this guy.

One interesting thing we learn in Eisuke’s route is that the boys have a policy not to sell any woman who’s unwilling to be sold at the fancy black market auctions (in the route, a woman sells herself to escape her yakuza boyfriend and get “bought” by another love interest – I wonder what could possibly go wrong with that plan…). In any case, the whole thing really begs the question: why the fuck did Eisuke let MC get put up for auction in the first place?! Is it just because he’s a total douche canoe with too much time on his hands?? As the route goes on, we learn that Eisuke has some stupid tragic backstory about losing his parents and getting taken in by a rich zaibatsu family, and MC develops sympathy for the guy. Oh boo hoo…MC’s an idiot.

And here’s the absolute worst part of this route. Eisuke breaks his non-relationship with MC off abruptly towards the end of the route to protect her from an external threat (not that he tells her the reason, or anything, because communication is for plebes). And MC has this TOTAL FREAKING SWEETHEART of a coworker/manager?? who’s been steadily wooing MC for the entire route, who’s all willing to sweep in and is amazing, but nooo. MC’s ~~developed Stockholm Syndrome~~ in looove with Eisuke. Ughhh.

So when the external threat resolves itself, Eisuke returns to charm MC with his sweet nothings: “I can’t promise anything. I’m going to keep doing what I want to do. And if MC ends up being hurt because of it… Well, she’s the one who wants to be with me.” …Fuck this guy. And not in the sexy way, either. He doesn’t even confess to MC in the end like a proper otome boyfriend (“Let’s get to the point. Tell me how you feel”)! Asdkfjqofjqfidfs >(

Look. I’m not necessarily always against “problematic” otome boys. They can be fun. Case in point, Soryu, who freaking kills people for a living. Or IkeSen Kenshin, who’s so crazy he makes Jumin Han look sane, but is also kinda my favorite guy at the moment… <3. But besides being really really ridiculously good looking, there’s basically nothing positive about Eisuke. Maybe once in a blue moon he’s only mostly an asshole as opposed to totally 100% an asshole…? In short, imho Eisuke is one of the most infuriating characters I’ve ever encountered and I def. do not ship him and MC.

But if you’re still interested in his route and you haven’t read it yet, it’s free on Love365 until 7/9 11:59PM JST. Enjoy…? 😬

Choice quotes:
“All you have to do is be quiet and attend to me.”
“Will you be freed after the deal with Bucci succeeds, or will you disappear from the face of the earth? I can’t wait to find out.”
“If you go out with him, he’ll keep pushing you around. Are you okay with that?“ "Yes. I want to be with him.”

Personality: 0/10. I hate this guy. HATE.

Appearance: 9/10. Can’t fault Eisuke on his looks…

MC: 2/10. MC NO. …Why didn’t you run away when you had the chance 😦

Plot/Payoff: 6/10. A flaw: the side characters felt like cartoons – the mafia boss daughter in particular was super annoying. That said, the route was snappy and interesting in its own way, and I can understand why so many people love Eisuke. Things certainly aren’t boring around him.

Personal enjoyment: 5/10. You’d think I’d give this a 1 due to how horrible I think Eisuke is, wouldn’t you? Truth is, I at least enjoyed the process of hate reading this story. Haha.

Masterlist

SLBP: “Insatiable Summer” Masamune Event Review [SPOILERS]

My friends, you have NO idea how excited I was to witness a completely OOC, sex-crazed Masamune chasing after MC. But alas. We’ve been misled. Masamune is 100% responsible for his actions in this route…which arguably isn’t such a bad thing, I guess ^_^

The moral of Masamune’s story is “absence makes the heart grow fonder” – even if it’s just for two days, and not much of an absence. Long story short, MC’s been selected to participate as a representative for an upcoming shrine festival, for which one of the requirements is no interaction with men. MC’s sad. Masamune’s sad. But they’re stupidly cute about it, and even though MC can’t talk to M, that doesn’t stop him from being the super supportive sweetheart that he is by helping with her chores and talking through her bedroom door (“MC. I’m praying for your success tomorrow. I know you can do it”)! So cute!

And where does the insatiable part of this event come in, you ask? Well, M gets sick after traveling through the rain to spend time with MC after the festival, and he becomes super clingy in his fever addled state (“Stay with me”). He and MC pass his fever back and forth via kisses (I don’t think it works that way, you two!). And of course, the next day, when he’s feeling better, well… 😉

I could read about MC and Masamune blushing at each other and being adorable all day, I swear. So while yes, I’m a little bummed out about the missed opportunity to hear Masamune channel his inner Shigezane, this was still a really enjoyable read!

Personal enjoyment: 9/10

SLBP: “Insatiable Summer” Yukimura+Mitsunari Event Review [SPOILERS]

OMFG. This event right here is why I love this app so much. Voltage took all our favorite shy boys, and showed us what they’d be like if they were less shy. I am dying. This event is the best.

Yukimura’s ES is pretty much dictionary definition “be careful what you wish for”, featuring Saizo as our resident asshole genie. MC makes an offhand comment about not minding if Y were a little aggressive, and that night, Saizo pulls some ninja voodoo on Yukimura at an impromptu talent show. He hypnotizes Yukimura into doing a soul swap with Shingen or someone for days, because almost the entire rest of the route, Y’s thirst for MC reaches truly epic proportions. He comes on to her first thing in the morning. And tries to get it on in an onsen with his retainers nearby. Saizo thinks the whole thing is hilarious (“Other than the fact that he acts like he’s actually seen a woman at some point in his life, nothing else is bothering you, is it?”). When Yukimura realizes MC is freaked out about this whole thing, he intelligently decides the best course of action is to hit himself on the head repeatedly with a branch. And it works. I shit you not. His “virgin heart” is returned, and everyone is happy again. 😂

…I have to say, MC might be freaked out, but I definitely wouldn’t say no to uninhibited Yukimura 😉 My favorite scene: his hands tug at my hair as he presses close, tilting my chin to claim me from every angle as if he is hell-bent on making me pass out – and then MC actually does pass out. Lmfao.

Personal enjoyment: 10/10

“If I only lose myself in regard to you, it’s fine.”

I don’t get to say this often, but I have no idea how Masamune’s route (coming in like four days) can possibly top Mitsunari’s epic ES. Long story short, MC accidentally drugs Mitsunari with an aphrodisiac in his manju (she thought it was medicine to quell a fever. Oh MC). The next day, MC learns that the medicine actually leads to a “loss of self-control,” which I guess means that the handsy, horny, clothes unbuttoning Mitsunari we get for the rest of the route is what the guy’s really like once his stick is taken out of his ass. In one of my favorite scenes in the event, Mitsunari gives MC a private show, in the form of a sexy rain dance (“This is only for you, am I clear?” …This…this is downright pornographic...). But they’re in an alleyway, and the local girls see and fall in love, to his horror and MC’s jealousy. And when the medicine fades, we learn that Mitsunari doesn’t have quite as many regrets about the whole thing as I expected him to: “Losing yourself sometimes…isn’t entirely…disagreeable”. Couldn’t agree more, M.

At the end of the day, this event was stupidly cute. TBH, it’s probably cos Mitsunari wasn’t himself almost the entire time. Also, MC’s constant thirst for Mitsunari was hilarious and a joy to read. I highly recommend reading this event ASAP if you haven’t yet 🙂

Personal enjoyment: 10/10