One of the many, many things I’ve always appreciated about SLBP is its willingness to go where no otome game in its right mind would want to go. And few things exemplify this more than Hanzo’s glorious clusterfuck of a route.
It’d be near impossible to review this guy properly without giving away literally ALL the gory spoilers from the end of the route, so if you haven’t read/finished the story yet, proceed with caution!
The majority of Hanzo/Masanari’s route revolves around revenge. MC goes to Hanzo for help/information regarding who burned down her village, and amused, he takes her under his wing (“You are inexperienced. I shall instruct you in the ways of many things”). He guides MC towards getting the information herself, and teaches her the traditional and well-known ninja art of…seduction, haha. (TBH the “sexiest” ninja-related tale I’d heard to date before all this was the story of the one who penetrated Kenshin’s asshole with a sword while lying in wait in his toilet…but this is Hanzo, and he’s hot, so let’s roll with it)
When MC eventually learns that Nobunaga was responsible, Hanzo fans her flames of revenge with glee. He teaches her how to blend in with the Muggles non-ninjas to allay suspicion, and helps her pass off as a talented apothecary in order to get closer to Ieyasu, and thus Nobunaga. He also offers to improve her actual ninja skills (“Obey me. If you do, I will teach you how to fight”), but sadly, that never happens. And in the meanwhile, he pets her hair. A lot.
Anyway, the night of MC’s planned assassination arrives, and thanks to her careful planning and Hanzo’s assistance, everything goes off without a hitch. …Until MC is interrupted at the very last second, by none other than Hanzo himself! MC and Hanzo’s subsequent face-off is the highlight of this route: she rages at him (with a kunai, no less), and all he can do is stand there looking sad, before whisking her away and locking her in a room somewhere before presumably going off to deal with the fallout.
(END GAME SPOILERS) If you’ve been paying attention, this should be setting off alarm bells in your head. But alas, yours truly was far too distracted by Hanzo’s pretty hair to notice. I happily read on – albeit skeptical of Hanzo’s motivations – as Hanzo returned and “explained” to MC his rationale for stopping her (“I don’t want to let you kill another person”). As he confessed his love for her (“When this battle is over, would you do me the honor of living for me and only me?”). …As he poison-stabbed Ieyasu right before the dude was going to suicidally march against Shingen, and disappeared!!
It wasn’t until MC and Hanzo had a confrontation in which he started monologuing about how everyone around him is a pawn and repeatedly poison-kunai-ing MC that I realized: this guy is insane!!! Aside from having delusions of being the puppet-master of some grand play, turns out, he is a lonely, lonely yandere. One driven by the boredom and trauma of his terrible upbringing as a ninja from the cold-hearted Iga clan. And in his Shadow End… well, let’s just say he fully embraces his nature and leave it at that. It ain’t pretty. ^_^
Given the fact that Hanzo is literally a snake, I definitely expected some sort of shady twist by the end of his route. But certainly not this one! What I felt while reading Hanzo’s ending: shock, horrified joy…and then, honestly, a bit of disappointment. Because, given the amazing way Hanzo was initially marketed, turning him into yet another yandere is kind of a waste, imho. His appeal is that he’s supposed to be unflappable and constantly planning plots within plots, after all. I just wanted him to have a masterplan that wasn’t just “move pawns around on chessboard for amusement,” yanno?
Imagine this instead: Hanzo’s stabbed Ieyasu, and in desperation, MC’s used the Dragon Tears to save Ieyasu’s life. Thus playing right into Hanzo’s hands, because all along, he’s been looking for a way to a) stop his boy Ieyasu from running off on a suicide mission, and b) manipulate MC into using the Dragon’s Tears to help the Tokugawa clan! Except now both Ieyasu and MC are absolutely furious, and Hanzo realizes that this time, his manipulations have gone too far, because he’s hurt the only two people in his life he ever cared about. We have a moment of complete honesty from Hanzo toward both Ieyasu and MC – maybe he even fights her still, cos that’s always fun – and then he saves them from some new external threat that comes along (Kansuke?? :)), and all is forgiven in a steamy and flirtatious epilogue. …Yeah, yeah, I know, so cheesy. But throw something along these lines at me, and Hanzo’s route would’ve instantly been elevated to top-tier status in my eyes.
As it was, I did thoroughly enjoy reading Hanzo’s route, don’t get me wrong. Even – maybe, especially – the wild parts. Hanzo is such a fascinating character to read, and I adore him, craziness and all. But yeah, it could’ve been *even better*. And much as I love Hanzo’s concept, this route should definitely not be taken as a template for a healthy romance! ^_^
Choice quotes:
“I shall tutor you carefully and thoroughly in whatever you desire.” Is that so.
“If you find yourself lost, you need only stay by my side for now and for always.”
Personality: 10/10 otome entertainment value, 0/10 IRL dateability. Actually, negative IRL dateability?! Hanzo thinks everyone is a pawn and life is a game. He’s a yandere, and his shadow end is creepy af. HE THROWS LIKE 3 KUNAIS AT MC OMFG. …But I still love him and his stupid flirty face, lmao
Appearance: 10/10. I feel like Hanzo is one of about a million anime guys with long white hair but hey it works.
MC: 8/10. Oh my sweet precious stupid child. Even if she was like a harmless little puppy next to all these big bad scary ninjas, I admired her fight.
Plot/Payoff: 8/10. This route is ridiculous, but so much fun to read.
Personal enjoyment: 10/10. Did I think Hanzo’s route/ending could’ve been better? Yes. But did this stop me from loving every last second of his route? No! 🙂
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